Ruin it With Cinderella [7]

1.  Tell her that love is a slave-driven emotion which forces people to act like weaklings.

2.  Running shoes with dress pants. White socks, obviously.

3.  Let her know the last thing you read was Lord of the Flies on Sparknotes.

4.  Always be pissed with your friends and take it out on her.

5.  Send her photos of yourself in brightly-colored boxers and posing in front of a mirror.

6.  Tell her that she’s boring and has no life because she doesn’t get smashed out of her mind every weekend.

7.  Ask her to come over and do your laundry and then ditch her to go clubbing. In the shirt she just washed for you.

8.  Threaten to break up with her as often as possible, being the Godly creature you are.

9.  Better yet, tell her you’re a god.

10.         Constantly beg for a three-some. It will make her feel good about herself.

Ruin it With Cinderella [6]

 

1.  Ask for her hand in marriage in the middle of a coffee date even though you have no established relationship. (Courtesy of Ayesha Zubair)

2.  Ask her if she wants to play slapjack whilst having lunch.

3. Try to convince and/or beg her to like you even though she expressed her lack of interest.

4.  Obtain the mentality that you’re the best thing in her life since her blackberry because you have money and you’re hot.

5.  Act like a total son of a b**** to her around your friends. One word answers and cold shoulder for the win.

6.  Let your friends run your life and tell you who to pick up and drive to places in your car even if they're people you barely know/talk to.

7. Make no effort to include her in plans with your friends, especially if both males and females are present.

8.  Tell her that you understand women. LOL no further comment.

9. Tell her you are a divine, sophisticated, and cunning creature.

10.  Verbally express your cheapness as often as you possibly can.

Ruin it With Cinderella [5]

1.  Tell her she has no sense of humor because she doesn’t find burps funny.

2.  Let her know your favorite show is Jersey Shore, and mean it too.

3.  Make it known that you only shower once a week. Better yet, don’t tell her at all.

4.  Always wear the same outfit with rare or no exceptions.

5.  Take her to a movie on the first date. Who cares about the opportunity to have an actual conversation? Never mind, apparently most people do this.

6.  Tell her that you’re turned on by pretty much anything.

7.  But her expensive sh** every time she’s pissed at you just so she stops b****ing.

8.  Buy her X amount of drinks anytime during first three dates, with the hope that you’ll get some action.

9.  Treat everyone around you like sh**, it’s really quite sexy and it doesn’t humiliate her at all.

10.         Assume that you could be a total a**hole and get away with it, just because she’s good to you and you’ve been together for X.

Ruin it With Cinderella [4]

1.  Show pride in the fact that you are unemployed, sleep in eight days a week and live off your parents’ income. Flaunt this with no intention to change it anytime soon.

2.  Make inappropriate comments, preferably sexual, to her female friends.

3.  Tell her what she can and cannot wear.

4.  End every single sentence with the word “Still.”

5.  Act like a distant and arrogant son of a b**** to her because she wasn’t in the mood to fool around.

6.  Play video games and/or watch television during obviously intimate and physical actions.

7.  Always show up two or three hours late because “Something came up.”

8.  Talk about yourself as much as you can. Don’t bother asking how her day was, or anything. Who does that sh**?

9.  Take “Nothing” for an answer when you ask her what’s wrong despite the angry, hurt, or sad tone in her voice. Proceed with the day as if nothing happened, as if you are God’s divine gift to the earth itself.

10.         Shove your tongue down her throat in public places, and/or whilst hanging out with mutual friends. 

BONUS:

Enforce the rule of no parties without your royal presence, being insecure as sh**.

Ruin it With Cinderella [3]

 

1.  Spit at the ground as often as you can. 

2.  Brag about your sexual talents and all the girls you’ve slept with. 

3.  Wear sunglasses inside and/or at night, or any other time when the sun is vividly hiding from you.

4.  Tell her you’re a god who will not be brought to the level of a peasant. 

5.  BBM her while she visits the restroom just to inform her how much you miss her.

6.  Show up to the date in a cowboy hat. (Courtesy of Laura-goose)

7.  Use the word babe/baby/honey/angel/sweetheart/bella in every fricken’ sentence. 

8.  Drive like a maniac – nothing is sexier than the thought of dying in a car.

9.  Tell her she would look hotter as a blonde even though she’s a brunette or vice versa.

10.         Insult her intelligence, especially effective in larger groups.

Ruin it With Cinderella [2]

 

1.  Forget her birthday, but have no problem making plans to go clubbing with your friends the same night!

2.  As often as you can, text rather than call.

3.  Wear torn-apart running shoes on a date to a decent looking restaurant. 

4.  Constantly remind her how amazing you are and how lucky she is to have you.

5.  “Baby I’m not like other guys.” PROVE IT, A**HOLE!

6.  Express your hatred for monogamy to her.

7.  Ditch her three hours earlier than planned because some friends just called to “Chill.”

8.  Tell her that her dog looks like an evil f***ing rat. 

9.  Spend four hours of the date talking about your car, how much you love it, what you’re gonna do to it, how much it cost, etc.

10.  Show up to her house in the middle of the night and recite a Shakespearean sonnet to her. “Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate!” This will make her puke everywhere jump in your arms.