1. Tell her that love is a slave-driven emotion which forces people to act like weaklings.
2. Running shoes with dress pants. White socks, obviously.
3. Let her know the last thing you read was Lord of the Flies on Sparknotes.
4. Always be pissed with your friends and take it out on her.
5. Send her photos of yourself in brightly-colored boxers and posing in front of a mirror.
6. Tell her that she’s boring and has no life because she doesn’t get smashed out of her mind every weekend.
7. Ask her to come over and do your laundry and then ditch her to go clubbing. In the shirt she just washed for you.
8. Threaten to break up with her as often as possible, being the Godly creature you are.
9. Better yet, tell her you’re a god.
10. Constantly beg for a three-some. It will make her feel good about herself.
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