1. Forget her birthday, but have no problem making plans to go clubbing with your friends the same night!
2. As often as you can, text rather than call.
3. Wear torn-apart running shoes on a date to a decent looking restaurant.
4. Constantly remind her how amazing you are and how lucky she is to have you.
5. “Baby I’m not like other guys.” PROVE IT, A**HOLE!
6. Express your hatred for monogamy to her.
7. Ditch her three hours earlier than planned because some friends just called to “Chill.”
8. Tell her that her dog looks like an evil f***ing rat.
9. Spend four hours of the date talking about your car, how much you love it, what you’re gonna do to it, how much it cost, etc.
10. Show up to her house in the middle of the night and recite a Shakespearean sonnet to her. “Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate!” This will make her puke everywhere jump in your arms.
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