1. Tell her she has no sense of humor because she doesn’t find burps funny.
2. Let her know your favorite show is Jersey Shore, and mean it too.
3. Make it known that you only shower once a week. Better yet, don’t tell her at all.
4. Always wear the same outfit with rare or no exceptions.
5. Take her to a movie on the first date. Who cares about the opportunity to have an actual conversation? Never mind, apparently most people do this.
6. Tell her that you’re turned on by pretty much anything.
7. But her expensive sh** every time she’s pissed at you just so she stops b****ing.
8. Buy her X amount of drinks anytime during first three dates, with the hope that you’ll get some action.
9. Treat everyone around you like sh**, it’s really quite sexy and it doesn’t humiliate her at all.
10. Assume that you could be a total a**hole and get away with it, just because she’s good to you and you’ve been together for X.
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