The housekeeping lady was on her way out as I pulled up the straps of this sparkly red bra that I haven't even worn yet. She must have caught a glimpse of me, because I vividly remember picturing my best friend walking in at that precise moment - making me look like a full-on lesbian. I could have let the thought slide, and carried on with the day's harmless plans, but no. I needed some spice to freak the sh** out of her, and that's when the idea struck me.
I entered the living room, blasting some old-school Britney, while suddenly recognizing just how much I love myself. I was about to slide into these really cute jeans, but it was too late by then and the idea manifested entirely by that point. I lit up all the electronic candles in my apartment, which is approximately twenty-two and then turned up the fireplace channel to add some additional spark. I pulled on these thigh-high stockings with lacey ends and left the cute jeans I speak of resting on a chair.
I put on matching sparkly-red panties and for awhile, I just sat on my sofa waiting for her knock at the door. I started to feel restless swiftly, as within five short minutes, I felt like what's-her-name from Sex and The City, when laying on the damn table, covered in sushi, or something. That's when I decided that I'd wait for her in bed, underneath the sheets, and surrounded by electronic candles. Before sliding beneath the sheets, I quickly composed a playlist filled with everything from cheesy classical pieces, to steamy masochistic rock music.
A knock on my door interrupted my thoughts at last. Thanks to this door opener I own, I rested beneath the sheets comfortably as the door swung open and I waited for her footsteps to appear along the floor of my apartment.
"Hi," I smiled sneakily.
She looked utterly petrified, in a comical way of course, but it was obvious she wanted me. Just kidding.
After putting our clothes back on. Well MY clothes back on, because nothing happened I swear, we went out to eat the greatest red velvet cake of life itself.
I ordered green tea with my dessert which happened to taste tropical, and as requested by my tastebuds, asked the waitress if I could buy a box of it.
"We only order it for the restaurant," she told me, "But you can probably find it online."
Feeling as if the universe was on my side, I entered this ordinary grocery store just around the corner from this place we were at, and as I rolled down the tea isle, there it fucking was, hopelessly waiting for my purchase! Then I bought myself a colouring book and magic markers and made my way back to my electronic-candle-filled apartment.
Happy Valentine.
May all your days be as splendid as mine was.
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