Ruin it With Prince Charming [8]

1. Whine, whine, whine! Especially outside of the bedroom.

2. Text message the female members of his contact list to ensure he’s not f***ing around.

3. Buy some kind of shared fluffy creature the two of you share custody of and use it as a means to keep the relationship going even if it’s sh**ty.

4. More frequently than not, feed him frozen food.

5. B**** at him and express strong forms of anger because your over-dramatic girlfriends decided to piss you off.

6. Make him feel guilty because he is unable to attend to your needs and be your chauffeur.

7. Interrupt his every every other sentence.

8. Distract him in sexual ways so he doesn’t go out with his friends. Dress up in lingerie, too, that should let him know how desperate and insecure you are do the trick.

9. Be overly affectionate in public, even though he’s hardly holding your fricken’ hand. Nothing shows more jealousy and possessiveness love and tenderness.

10. Act like a total b**** in social gatherings because there happen to be other females that are slightly more attractive than you. This makes up for your lack of looks! 

Ruin it With Prince Charming [7]

1.  Apologize for things you didn’t do because he pressured you to do so.

2.  Send him a message AGAIN, even if he ignored you three days ago.

3. Use reverse psychology in the hope that he will respond accordingly. “I’m fine.” Slam his car door shut.

4.  Reply to his text messages instantly so he knows you’re always available. “Omg baby I’m so happy you msged, I was sitting by my cell all night waiting for the red light of my blackberry to vividly flash. IMY <3”

5.  Nag nag nag. It’s the only technique proven to actually work. Of course he’s gonna want to spend more time with you. Of course he’ll become more considerate. Of course he’ll want to call you more frequently. What kind of psychopath does not get turned on by nagging?

6.  Cry every time he f***s up. It makes you look totally in control of your emotions. Of course it doesn’t give him the control, nor does it make you vulnerable.

7.  Throw out something he got you because you’re pissed at him. Cry with regret shortly afterward.

8.  Forgive him for being a complete d*** because at least he’s not ignoring you anymore.

9.  Make it known to him that you’re afraid he’ll break up with you. Verbally telling him is a bonus.

10.     Pay him surprise visits due to your trust issues. Show up at his work. Make an appearance at boys night. Show up at his apartment at one in the morning too. But bring a late night snack so he doesn’t think you’re a total creep. Guys love surprises. Not a joke.

Ruin it With Prince Charming [6]

1.  Drive to his place at midnight because he says he’s bored and could use the company. Awake from your sleep, get dressed, and fly fly, Mr. Powers!

2.  “Cook” him popcorn and kool-aid for dinner and call it a meal. (Courtesy of ‘Why Men Love Bitches,’ except the book actually supported the idea.)

3.  Equally bad as #2, cook him a seven-course meal a week into the relationship.

4.  Leave a pair of pink panties in his car and/or bathroom to mark your territory. As a matter of fact, might as well put up a “Just Married” sign with tacky high-lighter pink that’s blinding as hell.

5.  Cancel your weekly yoga because he called and wants to see you.

6.  Nag him because he doesn’t do nice things anymore. Question: Are YOU doing too many nice things? Hmm.

7.  Expect a play-by-play of how his time is spent when not with you. How many potato chips did he eat, with which hand, and on which sofa? Are you sure he wasn’t standing in the kitchen while multi-tasking with a phone call AND eating potato chips? Uh oh…

8.  Always, always, ALWAYS be available to see him. No, he will not take your company for granted, you silly-goose! Drop those extra courses you were thinking of taking.

9.Verbally express your need and/or desire for a long-term relationship within the first two-three dates.

10.  Ask him if you could see ex-photos. It will not turn out negative.

Ruin it With Prince Charming [5]

1.  Wear 400 pounds of make-up and then look like a fricken’ monster when he sees you without it.

2.  Play with your hair throughout the entire conversation.

3.  Flirt with strangers every opportunity you get to prove you have options and people want to date you.

4.  Always be the loudest person in every conversation and every room. Super sexy.

5.  Rely on him for everything; ensure he’s your sugar daddy/bank, social entertainment, therapist, chauffeur, etc.

6.  Give him ultimatums for every little thing. “Oh my God, what don’t you f***ing understand, it’s me or your dog/friends/motorcycle/puppet/porn!”

7.  Get totally smashed out of your mind the first time he brings you to a party with his friends.

8.  Disown your physical appearance just because you’ve been together for X. Track pants/hoodies everywhere, messy hair, poor skin, bitten nails, so hot.

9.  Tell him you’ll “Think about it” every time he asks you to do something as if you’re the busiest princess of life itself, and eighteen fancy luncheons await you for the week.

10.         Bribe him with sex every time you piss him off.

Ruin it With Prince Charming [4]

1.  Verbalize your pickiness in food when you have dinner with his family. 

2.  Be a complete b**** to his friends.

3.  Talk sh** about his ex to make yourself feel better.

4.  Hand in hand with #3, facebook stalk his ex and send her hate mail. 

5.  Throw a tantrum because he didn’t show up with a promise ring on your one year anniversary. 

6.  Always cook him dinner that makes him puke and/or spend the remainder of the evening in the washroom.

7.  B**** and whine about sports teams he enjoys.

8.  Never let him pick the movie, like the princess that you are.

9.  Check guys out from the passenger seat of his car as he’s driving. You know what, wink at them too. 

10.         Criticize his hair, clothes, eyebrows, and overall appearance.

BONUS:

Tell him it's stupid/ridiculous that women should still cook meals.

Ruin it With Prince Charming [3]

1.  Make sure your room/apartment is a disaster the first time he sees it. 

2.  Be a materialistic sh** and b**** at him because he got you a box of chocolate on Valentine’s Day instead of a designer purse and/or jewelry. 

3.  B**** at him and make a scene in public – do it in front of his friends, + 10! 

4.  Change the radio station as soon as you get into his car as if you own him and his taste in music.

5.  Allow him to get you naked on the first date. 

6.  Inform everybody about every fight you have, including your neighbors, friends in Alaska, dog, and facebook. Don’t forget twitter!

7.  Constantly  express interest in his attractive male friends and mean it too.

8.  Never say “Thank you” when he opens a door for you. 

9.  Create a plan to change and perfect him and have no shame in doing so. 

10.         Use past events and arguments against him whenever you’re defenseless.